Michael Wayne Alexander.
I am so, beyond comprehension, blessed that God put this sweet man in my life. Blessed that God CHOSE us for each other. It may have taken me a few years to notice Michael there but I know that it was all part of God's timing.
Right before Michael and I started dating I started to convince myself that this fairytale version of my future husband I had in my head was unrealistic. I started to believe that I needed to lower my expectations and my standards to something more "real life". I started to think that maybe I was being too picky and that if I ever wanted to find someone to spend my life with I would need to just accept someone and make it work. I had been through every dating nightmare you can imagine, no really... ask my family. I started to think that my "unrealistic" expectations were to blame. I know now that it wasn't that. I know now that God was preparing mine and Michael's hearts for each other.
Michael and I have "known" each other since we were little. Our dads are friends and as a lot of people know, both my dad and Michael play drums. Michael says it was my dad who first inspired him, that he remembers watching my dad play when he was younger. That's something I really hold dear. Starting some time in high school Michael and I started keeping in contact. I would say for the last 10 years we have "spoken" at least every 6 months. That's something very few people know, because it wasn't really a big deal at the time. When it started it was IM's and MySpace messages, we would talk for a few days and that would be it. As we got older it turned into text messages, one of us would randomly text the other to see how they were and after a few texts it would stop. We laugh because Michael says my responses always went something like: "Oh hey, just hanging out with my boyfriend who I'm in love with that I love very much, and we're in love" (obviously someone likes to exaggerate a little) and I say Michael's texts every 6 months started with "Hey guys its Michael I had to get a new number again, this is the last time I promise!" (Michaels friends, am I right?)
It's funny that after all that time and all of those empty conversations that this whole relationship would start with a text message. It was no different then any other of our texts at first. I remember getting on Facebook and seeing that Ryan had posted something about the band being on tour. I knew they were on tour, I had seen pictures in my newsfeed that he and Michael were tagged in and I remember Michael posting things about how excited he was. I cant remember what it even was that Ryan posted but for some reason it made me text Michael: "How's Tour". Only this time the conversation didn't stop...
To this day, the conversation hasn't stopped.
Michaels first night home from tour he came over. He got to my house at about 11 and we stayed up ALL NIGHT talking. I went to work from 8-5 and as tired as we were, he came over the second night and we did the same thing. We stayed up all night, the conversation just kept going. When the sun would come up, he would leave and I would get ready and go to work, 20oz Red Bull in hand. We both say that we knew on that second night that we would be together forever.
I can't explain it, I can't tell you how I knew. I just did. But I also knew that I didn't have to give up my fairytale husband and my "unrealistic" expectations. The truth is we have good days AND bad days, we know that neither of us is perfect but we are perfect for each other and we are willing to fight for this and work through anything that comes our way. That simple truth in itself makes the good days FAR outnumber the bad.
Michael is all of the things that I need AND want. He is the most loyal person I have ever met in my entire life, I know without a doubt that he always has our best interest at heart. He is so genuine and open, there is no "reading into" him, what you see is who he is. He has such a huge heart and is so giving. From stopping to help random people on the side of the road change a tire, to generously tipping or donating when he can he really loves to give and help. He is an amazing provider and head of household for Landon and I, we needed that. He loves Landon unconditionally and as if he were his own. He understood that from day one I came with a ready-made family and he has accepted that and stepped up to the challenge amazingly. Raising children is HARD WORK and it takes a REAL man to raise another mans child like his own. His faith and growing relationship with Christ is encouraging and inspiring to me.
I wish there was a way to tell all the girls/women out there who are dating that this real love exists. That you don't have to settle! That you can't change a man who doesn't want to be changed. That you know in your heart how you should be treated and if you aren't being treated that way then it isn't right, it isn't the love that's meant for you. That you won't find the love you deserve, drunk in a club in a dress that's probably a size too small. I know, I HAVE BEEN THERE. I am speaking from experience when I say you might find temporary companionship but not the respect you deserve. Michael RESPECTS me. He loves me without the makeup and cute outfit. He loves the purest, most vulnerable, open version of myself and he never judges. You also can't force love because of money, security, etc. You'll never be happy that way.
You must love a man as a whole, for who he is now and what he wants to become.
Michael,
Thank you for loving me and my child unconditionally. Thank you for being the man that God intended you to be. Thank you for taking leadership in this family. Thank you for wanting and valuing this relationship more than anything else on the planet. Thank you for being my best friend and loving me for the person I am today. Thank you for making me laugh until I cry and thank you for always continuing our conversation. Please know that I understand how blessed I am to have you and promise to never take advantage of that. I promise to appreciate you and all that you are for the rest of my life.
To infinity & beyond,
The future Mrs. Alexander (:
12.29.2013
New Years resolution.
So my New Years resolution this year is a little different then usual. I'm not vowing to lose weight or quit dr pepper. I'm aiming for something that will really affect my day to day life permanently and help me to be a happier person.
This year my New Years resolution is to stop caring so much what other people think of me. To stop trying to be friends with people who clearly don't want to be friends with me. To let the past stay in the past and always look forward.
This year I was so blessed to get a new best friend. Michael has been such a blessing in mine and Landon's lives in so many ways. One of those ways is he brought a new group of friends into my life. A group of friends that functions like a family and not like a high school clique.
It's always been hard for me to let go of old friends but sometimes that's just what you need. To let the past stay in the past. If people don't care enough about you to try and be in your life then why should you worry and stress about trying to remain theirs? I feel like I always thought I knew what friendship was about. Seeing Michael's relationships with his friends has shown me that I really had no clue and has also made me realize, sadly, that I have had very few REAL friends over the course of my life. It has also made me super grateful for the for the friends he has brought into my life.
I hope this change in my life will help me be a happier, fuller person and that I will stop letting my feelings get hurt as much.
What's your resolution?
This year my New Years resolution is to stop caring so much what other people think of me. To stop trying to be friends with people who clearly don't want to be friends with me. To let the past stay in the past and always look forward.
This year I was so blessed to get a new best friend. Michael has been such a blessing in mine and Landon's lives in so many ways. One of those ways is he brought a new group of friends into my life. A group of friends that functions like a family and not like a high school clique.
It's always been hard for me to let go of old friends but sometimes that's just what you need. To let the past stay in the past. If people don't care enough about you to try and be in your life then why should you worry and stress about trying to remain theirs? I feel like I always thought I knew what friendship was about. Seeing Michael's relationships with his friends has shown me that I really had no clue and has also made me realize, sadly, that I have had very few REAL friends over the course of my life. It has also made me super grateful for the for the friends he has brought into my life.
I hope this change in my life will help me be a happier, fuller person and that I will stop letting my feelings get hurt as much.
What's your resolution?
1.21.2013
I have a dream...
Politics aside, today is a pretty amazing day.
I have so many feelings about this subject so I am going to try my best to organize the clutter in my head the best that I can.
Wow... Our country has come so far, we as people have come so far. A LOT of us still have far to go and we aren't quite where we should be but... we have a black president.
I am so proud to say that I live in a country where a person who once had to use seperate bathroom and sit in the back of the bus can now run for and even become our president.
Did I vote for him? No. But it had nothing to do with his skin color, after all he bleeds the same as I do.
Racism has always been something that truely HURT my heart. That someone should be treated less or devalued because their skin has a different mix of pigments and whatever else it is that makes skin different colors, has never made sense to me. Hair is different colors... skin is different colors. We are all people.
I can't imagine what it was like to live back in that time. Back when people were punished for their genetic make up.
50 years ago a bold man made a bold speech that started to change the course of history. I would give anything to see his face today, to talk to him and ask him how it makes him feel after all this time to see a black man RUNNING our country.
Politics aside.. the previous 4 years aside... the next 4 years aside. Something that so many people never ever thought would happen has happened. Today I am so proud of our country. I am afraid for our country, but I am proud of it the same.
I have so many feelings about this subject so I am going to try my best to organize the clutter in my head the best that I can.
Wow... Our country has come so far, we as people have come so far. A LOT of us still have far to go and we aren't quite where we should be but... we have a black president.
I am so proud to say that I live in a country where a person who once had to use seperate bathroom and sit in the back of the bus can now run for and even become our president.
Did I vote for him? No. But it had nothing to do with his skin color, after all he bleeds the same as I do.
Racism has always been something that truely HURT my heart. That someone should be treated less or devalued because their skin has a different mix of pigments and whatever else it is that makes skin different colors, has never made sense to me. Hair is different colors... skin is different colors. We are all people.
I can't imagine what it was like to live back in that time. Back when people were punished for their genetic make up.
50 years ago a bold man made a bold speech that started to change the course of history. I would give anything to see his face today, to talk to him and ask him how it makes him feel after all this time to see a black man RUNNING our country.
Politics aside.. the previous 4 years aside... the next 4 years aside. Something that so many people never ever thought would happen has happened. Today I am so proud of our country. I am afraid for our country, but I am proud of it the same.
10.30.2012
am I broken?
@#^%^&^%$%&^%&#$%@#&#
pretty much sums up the current state of activity going on inside my noggin.
Soooo I was supposed to run a 5k 2 weekends ago, remember that?
yeah, me too... how could I ever forget staying up until midnight working on my tutu that would have completed my totally awesome Wonder Woman costume. To run in. Cause I'm a bad ass.
Welp, didn't happen folks... I woke up bright and early Saturday morning with a fever and a head cold and my body told me I wasn't going anywhere but bed. At the time I was super bummed but the next few days reminded me that only God sees the biggest picture and even though I may not always like the road He pushes me down... HE knows what is best for me.
Monday October 22, 2012
I go to the doctor.
I NEVERRRRR go to the doctor.
like ever (Taylor Swift style).
I went to the doctor for one particular non life threatening relatively minor thing and come out of my appointment in.... i don't even know what. I felt dazed, heavy, kind of like I wasn't actually present in my own life. Like I was watching in from outside, weird i know.
I've never had any health issues... My medical record probably reads something like:
birth
cold
cold
ER visit to remove nose ring (yeahhhhh don't ask)
cold
gave birth
prettyyyyyyyyy simple stuff. and now this...
I get an EKG, I have to get labs, then I go get a chest Xray, then I'm scheduled for a ECHO (heart ultrasound), and I need to get a heart monitor put on.
Marfan syndrome is a disorder of the connective tissue. Connective tissue holds all parts of the body together and helps control how the body grows. Because connective tissue is found throughout the body, Marfan syndrome features can occur in many different parts of the body.
This is NOT what I have been diagnosed with yet... but it IS what my Doctor thinks I have. I had my ECHO yesterday and as soon as she reads it she will let me know if I have this or not. If I do have this, it's not a death sentence... I can live a pretty normal life. I just have to go to the cardiologist regularly as my aortic valve could rip at any time & I would be at a high risk for aneurysms. No more running tho.
pretty much sums up the current state of activity going on inside my noggin.
Soooo I was supposed to run a 5k 2 weekends ago, remember that?
yeah, me too... how could I ever forget staying up until midnight working on my tutu that would have completed my totally awesome Wonder Woman costume. To run in. Cause I'm a bad ass.
Welp, didn't happen folks... I woke up bright and early Saturday morning with a fever and a head cold and my body told me I wasn't going anywhere but bed. At the time I was super bummed but the next few days reminded me that only God sees the biggest picture and even though I may not always like the road He pushes me down... HE knows what is best for me.
Monday October 22, 2012
I go to the doctor.
I NEVERRRRR go to the doctor.
like ever (Taylor Swift style).
I went to the doctor for one particular non life threatening relatively minor thing and come out of my appointment in.... i don't even know what. I felt dazed, heavy, kind of like I wasn't actually present in my own life. Like I was watching in from outside, weird i know.
I've never had any health issues... My medical record probably reads something like:
birth
cold
cold
ER visit to remove nose ring (yeahhhhh don't ask)
cold
gave birth
prettyyyyyyyyy simple stuff. and now this...
I get an EKG, I have to get labs, then I go get a chest Xray, then I'm scheduled for a ECHO (heart ultrasound), and I need to get a heart monitor put on.
Marfan syndrome is a disorder of the connective tissue. Connective tissue holds all parts of the body together and helps control how the body grows. Because connective tissue is found throughout the body, Marfan syndrome features can occur in many different parts of the body.
Marfan syndrome features are most often found in the heart, blood vessels, bones, joints, and eyes. Sometimes the lungs and skin are also affected. Marfan syndrome does not affect intelligence.
About 1 in 5,000 people have Marfan syndrome. This includes men and women of all races and ethnic groups.
What are the features of Marfan syndrome?Because connective tissue is found throughout the entire body, the disorder manifests itself in many body systems. The most common features are:
- Tall stature - affected people are usually, but not always, taller than other people in their family
- Arms, legs, fingers and toes are disproportionately long, as compared to the trunk
- Loose-jointedness
- Indented or protruding chest bone
- Scoliosis
- Flat feet
- Nearsighteness
- Dislocated lens
There is no cure. People with Marfan syndrome are at risk of aortic enlargement. Without proper management, i.e., drug therapy and lifestyle modifications, the aorta (the large blood vessel that carries blood away from the heart) is prone to enlarge and could dissect (tear) or rupture. An aortic rupture is usually fatal.
I feel so uncomfortable asking for prayers for myself, so I will ask for prayers for Landon. He needs his Momma.
With Love,
Leia & Landon
P.S. totally gonna be rockin' the weird blue jelly heart monitor on my birthday next week. par-tay.
Rockin It... Like a boss.
10.17.2012
"you suck at life"
Weird Wednesday Randomness
This post is not going to make sense as a WHOLE to a lot of you, but to a few of you random parts will make absolute perfect sense. Consider yourself lucky (:
This post is totally stupid and pointless and if you don't understand you'll think I'm an idiot... but if you do, I'll have made you smile... or laugh. you're welcome. i love you.
ONE
Firstly, If you have a child that you don't take care of, don't help financially, and don't make an active effort to see... you suck at life. (period).
TWO
"how's the married life?"
"It's great, she's never around"
Love you for that. No really, Love you.
THREE
I am running my first 5k on Saturday, whoop whoop! Not exactly as I originally planned because someone decided that they didn't want to see their child this weekend and therefore mommy will be running with a jogging stroller full of cute cuddly Landon awesomeness. He will get to play in the fun kiddie after-race festivities and I get to keep my little boo all weekend. Win Win my friend... you only THOUGHT you were punishing me.
P.S. letting me keep my child on your weekend will never be a punishment, so keep on punishing bruh.
FOUR
There's a snake in my boot.
FIVE
I have a birthday coming up in 3 weeks. Kinda cool, just sayin... in case you were wanting to get me a fab watch or something. hint. hint.
SIX
Sooooo this happened....
& then this happened....
EIGHT
I am the proud cousin of a brand spankin' new baby boy. He's kinda perfect. He is already a rockstar. I'm super in love. We clearly have amazing genes in this fam. real talk.
NINE
"will you dance with me"
"ummm, no"
"why not"
::points at hands::
"If he's got an M on his hands, he's too young for you bro"
TEN
Is it CHRISTMAS yet?!
With love,
Leia & Landon
This post is not going to make sense as a WHOLE to a lot of you, but to a few of you random parts will make absolute perfect sense. Consider yourself lucky (:
This post is totally stupid and pointless and if you don't understand you'll think I'm an idiot... but if you do, I'll have made you smile... or laugh. you're welcome. i love you.
ONE
Firstly, If you have a child that you don't take care of, don't help financially, and don't make an active effort to see... you suck at life. (period).
TWO
"how's the married life?"
"It's great, she's never around"
Love you for that. No really, Love you.
THREE
I am running my first 5k on Saturday, whoop whoop! Not exactly as I originally planned because someone decided that they didn't want to see their child this weekend and therefore mommy will be running with a jogging stroller full of cute cuddly Landon awesomeness. He will get to play in the fun kiddie after-race festivities and I get to keep my little boo all weekend. Win Win my friend... you only THOUGHT you were punishing me.
P.S. letting me keep my child on your weekend will never be a punishment, so keep on punishing bruh.
FOUR
There's a snake in my boot.
FIVE
I have a birthday coming up in 3 weeks. Kinda cool, just sayin... in case you were wanting to get me a fab watch or something. hint. hint.
SIX
Sooooo this happened....
& this happened....
& then this happened....
SEVEN
"I can't even handle you right now"
EIGHT
I am the proud cousin of a brand spankin' new baby boy. He's kinda perfect. He is already a rockstar. I'm super in love. We clearly have amazing genes in this fam. real talk.
NINE
"will you dance with me"
"ummm, no"
"why not"
::points at hands::
"If he's got an M on his hands, he's too young for you bro"
TEN
Is it CHRISTMAS yet?!
With love,
Leia & Landon
10.03.2012
Tie Dye For!
2.5 weeks...
TWO AND A HALF WEEKS
In a VERY short 2 1/2 weeks I will be running my first evahhhhh 5k. I've never ran more than a mile consecutively in my LIFEEEE. It should be noted that it was pure hell. 8th grade torture.
I'm starting to wonder if I am really going to be able to run the whole thing. I mean I CAN walk if I just can't do it any more... they aren't going to set me on fire or anything. I just WANT to run the whole thing. I do what I want....
I have also picked my next race and am trying to get a team together! Its the Color Me Rad 5K in Austin, TX and it is going to be TOTALLY RAD! You wear ALL white and by the end of the run you are totally tie-dyed from your head to your feet. Fun. Stellar amounts of FUN. We have 4 people SO FAR (I know all of you are going to join us!) and our team name is TIE-DYE FOR, super clever... Im aware (:
Please Note: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RUN THIS RACE. Walkers are totes welcome... but the bottom line is this. You have these color packs that you get to throw and its WAY more fun to peg your friends with color bombs then it is to tie-dye perfect strangers. duh.
The race is December 8th so you have plenty of time to let the fun marinate in your brain. do it. It'll be to tie-dye for!
Our life has been SO BUSY lately. With trips to Austin on the weekends and work and school and lifeeeeeeeee. Cray.
I HAVE NOT BEEN FOLLOWING MY TRAINING PLAN. Fail. I am gonna have to get busy in the next few weeks or look like a total foolface on race day. serious face.
With Love,
Leia & Landon
P.S. In case I haven't convinced you yet....
P.S. In case I haven't convinced you yet....
9.21.2012
It's not you, It's me...
I clearly have blog commitment issues, my bad yo.
I haven't posted in a hot minute because last week was a little on the cray-cray side.
Last Friday after I posted my Friday Photo Dump I got a text from my friend Claire. While I haven't actually "hung out" with Claire in about 3 years (she moved to Lubbock for school & I made a human being, big stuff ya know) we're the kind of friends that can pick up right where we left off like we saw each other yesterday.
So the text says "did you hear about David."
One of those moments your heart sinks and you instantly know something bad has happened...
I walked out of my office and called her
"hello"
"whats wrong"
"David was in a really bad car accident last night"
While the blog-o-sphere is not the place for all the details of my feelings for this sweet man, I will say this... David Estrada is VERY high on the list of my favorite people in the universe.
The rest of the conversation was basically along the lines of her telling me he was alive & could potentially end up paralyzed. We made plans to go to the hospital to see him and then I had to go back to my desk and pretend to think about my job while getting updates from his sweet mother. Saying I prayed a lot that afternoon doesn't even cover it, I was literally hands-clasped-head-down talking to God at my desk. I never got mad, or asked why. I knew David wouldn't, his love for God is unwavering and I knew no matter what ended up happening he would never get mad... he would never ask why.
Saturday morning I got up early and headed to Austin. I met up with Claire and we went and bought David some (super manly) sunflowers and a silly card, grabbed some hot lunch for his parents, and headed to the hospital. We were both so nervous. I don't think you can ever really prepare yourself for seeing someone you love so much in a neck brace and hooked up to all kinds of machines in a hospital. My stomach was in knots all morning and I was running off pure nervous energy. At this point he had already been through surgery and had two vertebrae in his neck fused together. They said if his neck was to have slipped ONE MILLIMETER more... he would have been paralyzed, but it was a little easier going in to see him knowing the surgery was successful and that he was on the downhill side of this whole mess.
When we went in he was in really good spirits (thanks pain meds!) & that made it a lot easier. There were jokes and forehead kisses exchanged (his hands were bothering him so he couldn't hug us). My mommy instincts kicked in pretty hard and I wanted to do everything for him but knew I couldn't, that was the hardest. We spent about an hour with him and then another hour in the lobby talking to his mom while family went to see him. His mom amazed me through this whole thing! She was being so strong & resilient for David.
I spent a few more hours at the hospital Sunday Morning & he was moved to a different floor where he didn't have to be hooked up to so many machines and the nurses didn't check on him as often. He has since been moved to a Rehab facility and is doing really great. Since it's Landon's weekend with his daddy, (insert sad face here) I am planning on staying the weekend in Austin again. I'll go see David and catch up with an old friend... chill mode.
For all of you that saw my posts on Facebook & prayed for my sweet friend, thank you... from the bottom of my heart!
In other newsssssssss......
WE GOT A PUPPY!
He is a 5 month old Pomeranian named Hurley & he is PERFECT for our little family. He and Landon are such BFF's already.
With Love,
Leia & Landon
I haven't posted in a hot minute because last week was a little on the cray-cray side.
Last Friday after I posted my Friday Photo Dump I got a text from my friend Claire. While I haven't actually "hung out" with Claire in about 3 years (she moved to Lubbock for school & I made a human being, big stuff ya know) we're the kind of friends that can pick up right where we left off like we saw each other yesterday.
So the text says "did you hear about David."
One of those moments your heart sinks and you instantly know something bad has happened...
I walked out of my office and called her
"hello"
"whats wrong"
"David was in a really bad car accident last night"
While the blog-o-sphere is not the place for all the details of my feelings for this sweet man, I will say this... David Estrada is VERY high on the list of my favorite people in the universe.
The rest of the conversation was basically along the lines of her telling me he was alive & could potentially end up paralyzed. We made plans to go to the hospital to see him and then I had to go back to my desk and pretend to think about my job while getting updates from his sweet mother. Saying I prayed a lot that afternoon doesn't even cover it, I was literally hands-clasped-head-down talking to God at my desk. I never got mad, or asked why. I knew David wouldn't, his love for God is unwavering and I knew no matter what ended up happening he would never get mad... he would never ask why.
Saturday morning I got up early and headed to Austin. I met up with Claire and we went and bought David some (super manly) sunflowers and a silly card, grabbed some hot lunch for his parents, and headed to the hospital. We were both so nervous. I don't think you can ever really prepare yourself for seeing someone you love so much in a neck brace and hooked up to all kinds of machines in a hospital. My stomach was in knots all morning and I was running off pure nervous energy. At this point he had already been through surgery and had two vertebrae in his neck fused together. They said if his neck was to have slipped ONE MILLIMETER more... he would have been paralyzed, but it was a little easier going in to see him knowing the surgery was successful and that he was on the downhill side of this whole mess.
When we went in he was in really good spirits (thanks pain meds!) & that made it a lot easier. There were jokes and forehead kisses exchanged (his hands were bothering him so he couldn't hug us). My mommy instincts kicked in pretty hard and I wanted to do everything for him but knew I couldn't, that was the hardest. We spent about an hour with him and then another hour in the lobby talking to his mom while family went to see him. His mom amazed me through this whole thing! She was being so strong & resilient for David.
I spent a few more hours at the hospital Sunday Morning & he was moved to a different floor where he didn't have to be hooked up to so many machines and the nurses didn't check on him as often. He has since been moved to a Rehab facility and is doing really great. Since it's Landon's weekend with his daddy, (insert sad face here) I am planning on staying the weekend in Austin again. I'll go see David and catch up with an old friend... chill mode.
For all of you that saw my posts on Facebook & prayed for my sweet friend, thank you... from the bottom of my heart!
In other newsssssssss......
WE GOT A PUPPY!
He is a 5 month old Pomeranian named Hurley & he is PERFECT for our little family. He and Landon are such BFF's already.
With Love,
Leia & Landon
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